As the holiday season approaches, many families eagerly anticipate the warmth and joy that Thanksgiving brings. However, for busy women, the anticipation often comes with a significant increase in their mental load.
The responsibility of planning, organizing, and executing a Thanksgiving celebration for many people can be overwhelming on top of the already stressful demands of keeping a household, career, and family running smoothly.
But why does it mostly fall on women? How can spouses and partners help with the mental load associated with Thanksgiving preparations? Let's talk about how being a supportive partner goes beyond just saying, "give me a list," "just tell me what to do," or even just being responsible for baking/smoking/frying of the turkey. So we created this guide for men to share more in the Thanksgiving preparation.
***Please note that we are intentionally focusing on opposite sex couples here because studies repeatedly show that same sex couples do not typically struggle with an unequal distribution of duties in the home like opposite sex couples do.***
Taking Over a Part Means Taking Over the Whole
It's essential to recognize that when we talk about taking over a part of the Thanksgiving preparations, it's more than just lending a hand—it's about assuming full responsibility for a specific aspect. This proactive involvement is key to effectively reducing the mental load on your partner. By committing to taking over a part of the planning and execution, you provide tangible assistance and you give her back more mental space to breathe easier and actually enjoy the holidays like everyone else.
Understanding the Mental Load
The mental load is the invisible weight of responsibilities and tasks that often fall on the shoulders of women and mothers. From menu planning and grocery shopping to coordinating guest lists and decorating, the mental load can be particularly heavy during the holiday season. It goes beyond just making lists and includes even being concerned about everyone's favorite dishes, allergies, and who likes or doesn't like others in the family. Recognizing and acknowledging this burden is the first step in creating a more equitable division of responsibilities at home.
Taking Initiative
Start by initiating an open and honest conversation with your partner about the tasks involved and express your willingness to share the load. Offering your assistance without being asked, and taking on specific areas of responsibilities, can go a long way in alleviating the load. A great place to start is by writing down what you believe is an exhaustive, comprehensive to-do list to plan and pull off a great Thanksgiving, and then share it with your partner to get her thoughts.
Menu Planning and Grocery Shopping
Another significant way to support your partner is by taking charge or at least sharing in the menu planning and grocery shopping. Collaborate on creating a delicious menu that caters to everyone's preferences and dietary restrictions. Once the menu is finalized, handle the grocery shopping, ensuring all the necessary ingredients are in stock. This not only lightens the mental load but also allows for shared decision-making in preparing a memorable Thanksgiving meal.
Guest Coordination and Entertainment
Another aspect of Thanksgiving planning that often falls on women is coordinating with guests and planning lodging and entertainment. Step in and take charge of communicating with relatives, friends, or neighbors who will potentially be joining the celebration. Additionally, help brainstorm and organize the sleeping arrangements and entertainment options, such as games or activities for both kids and adults, to ensure a festive atmosphere.
Cleaning Before and After
Recognize the importance of a clean and welcoming space for Thanksgiving both for the meal and for your house guests. Take responsibility for coordinating a pre-Thanksgiving deep clean, ensuring the house is ready for guests. After the festivities, lead the post-celebration cleanup, including dishes, packing away decorations, and returning the house to its pre-celebration state. This comprehensive approach to cleaning is a crucial part of sharing the Thanksgiving preparation load.
Thanksgiving is a time for gratitude, love, and togetherness. By actively participating in the preparation process and sharing the mental load, dads can contribute to a more harmonious and enjoyable holiday season for the entire family. Remember, it's not about taking over but working together to create lasting memories and traditions.
This Thanksgiving, let's redefine our roles and foster a spirit of true partnership so we all can enjoy it together.
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